How do you work around partners who have fairly severe ADHD, obsessive personality, and poor impulse control? My partner and I want to open our relationship, but I'm finding it difficult for me to 100% trust her when she has poor impulse control and often goes "off script." This results in boundaries being crossed and hurting other people (me). This has been a consistent issue through our relationship, though we've been monogamous up until now.

Has anyone found a way around this, or coping mechanisms, or strategies to make this work? At this point my stance/boundary is, "nonmonogamy is off the table until you prove that you can stick to a plan without 'improvising.' This means going on meds, training with a therapist, practicing coping mechanism, etc, until you have a better grasp on your behavior."

I dislike ultimatums but I have to have clear boundaries for my own sake and my own anxiety. I feel like there is a solution that allows both of us to operate in equilibrium, but we're not there yet. I'm hoping other people have constrictive thoughts and input. I believe boundaries are good for a relationship, but I'm having trouble telling just how reasonable/healthy this one is. I suppose one question I need to be asking myself is, "how will I know when she's got a better handle on her impulse control? How can she prove to me that I can trust her?"

Thanks in advance!