I can say, "as a guy, it's hard to find a long-term stable non-monogamous person to date." I can phrase this better and slightly more specific: "it's hard for me, a 41 year old who live with his two LTR partners, to find someone." From there, let's filter it a bit more: "it's hard to find a long-term, stable, attractive sexual partner, who is already in a relationship themselves." Yes, I think that last one is an accurate addition.

Digging in...

Some people get stuck on the two partners part. "You're already have two full time partners you live with, if you're looking for even more sex, go to a swinger part or something." One of my partners is asexual, the other doesn't have the sex drive (I want twice a week, he wants twice a month, that sort of thing). Add to that some D/s nostalgia and you got a lot of unfulfilled sexual hunger.

OK, with sex being the main thing, there's also the stable, in-a-relationship part. I'm looking for someone who's also a friend. Someone with common interest to go out with (I'm vaccinated and I'm more than ready to go to see some nature with someone and take photos, for example). I've been with both partners for about 10 years and I'm interested in some fresh opinions, or some interests in technology, which happens to be my full time job and passion (my partners are not into this really).

Dating apps are not great. I often run out of matches. A rule of thumb for me has been that I get a message back 1 out of 10 interactions, and a date 1 out of 5 of those (I measured at one point, it's not exact science but these numbers are more or less right). I write messages (not just "likes") to folks I find interesting. When I talk to an attractive woman, usually it often feels like "pulling teeth" where there are flat one-word replies after the initial enthusiasm, and I realize I need to move on again. And again. And again. real-world events are not exactly happening right now (there are a few sex parties, where I could pay 4 to 5 times the price as a single male if at all, to be with a bunch of naked strangers I don't know eating each other out, yeah no thanks) and even when they did, I'm not the guy to just sip cocktails as a living wallpaper. I'm more the 1:1 kind of person. Coffee, no alcohol on firt date. Well, usually.

I'm not exactly hot stuff but I'm also not ugly. I have good posture, I exercise regularly, I'm a bit on the short side but not crazy short, I'm the "nice guy" rather then the "hot guy" I'd say. I do get to date someone here and there, but these folks last for a few months tops and then fade away. I wish I could point a common factor, but I can't. The last four, for example, were (in this order): 1. some lame excuse out of nowhere that "I'm not dating anymore" after we've been physical for months, just poof. 2. Someone I wasn't really attracted to and I just let things die myself 3: someone great who was interested in some D/s things and sexual connection but too "new" to poly and wasn't invested otherwise, 4: cancer (that last one is really sad, we're still in touch, and it sucks).

I should point out that while I do have a full-time job and two partners, there is room for someone new. I like to discuss this openly with people I find. Ideally, it would look like one date a week or so to do whatever, sometimes twice. This is why I prefer someone whose already in a relationship, so that need for someone is more like a want for someone extra. I date single women who are "open" to poly but it usually ends fast. I explain I can't be (nor do I wish to be) a primary, but I can definitely be a good friend, a partner, and I'm always open to meet their significant others (and did in the past and it's pretty awesome).

So that's about it. Thanks for reading this long ramble. I guess I'm just looking for a conversation a bit, perhaps an advice, as long as it doesn't point to more apps or events. I don't know, how do you guys handle it? Maybe you see an issue I don't, I'm open to criticism. Thank you!