I've seen quite a few questions in this subreddit about jealousy and other such feelings, so I thought I would share my experiences.
My boyfriend and I have an open relationship - we are free to have casual sex with others (but just sex and not dating, so I guess we are not polyamorous). So far, it's been incredibly amazing and a very positive thing in our relationship.
At first, I was worried that I would feel insecure and jealous of him. After all, if I am not "enough" for him sexually, that obviously means that I am inadequate in some way, right?
But I quickly realised that was wrong. The sex that we have is amazing, it's more about desiring variety than feeling unsatisfied. For example, Paris is an amazing city and fascinates me endlessly - but so is Rome, and Bangkok, and New Orleans, etc. Just because I enjoy visiting another city for a totally different experience, that doesn't make Paris any less amazing. It's just fun to try something different once in a while.
Also, my experiences hooking up with other guys has really boosted my confidence. I had a really fun one night stand with a hot guy a couple weeks ago and I felt like a sex goddess afterwards. After a few years of monogamy, it was great to know that I "still got it". That confidence has certainly spiced up the sex with my boyfriend.
When it comes to thinking about him with another girl, I thought it might bother me... but to be honest it actually makes me happy. He had a one night stand a couple of nights ago and when he was telling me about the things they did together, it made me smile rather than feel jealous.
I know my boyfriend is a very good lover, so when he was telling me how he made this other girl orgasm and squirt - I knew exactly how great it must have felt for her and I was happy that she had that experience. (She must have been grinning all day long afterwards) It's kind of like how my boyfriend is a really good cook, so I would like for other people to taste his food and enjoy it - I wouldn't be jealous and insist that he only cooks for me.
So yeah, non-monogamy really works for us. We are free to play, have fun and enjoy our sexuality to the fullest. It's kind of like having the best parts of being single (sexy random hookups and flirting) while also having the best parts of a relationship (emotional support, commitment, security).
What are your thoughts?
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- 10 years ago
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