My partner and I were together for four and a half years. We were non monogamous for 6 months. He hasn’t ever communicated with me properly, and his depression, insecurities, and jealousy only got worse over the last year.

February of last year, he told me he wanted to open the relationship which we had talked about doing before. But the way he brought it up made me feel like I wasn’t enough and he needed to fill a whole. He also wanted to do it so he could learn more about himself and gain experience that he was lacking. It turned into a whole thing and we almost broke up. I told him he needed help, and I didn’t expect him to get better over night, but I needed something to change. He agreed to restarting therapy.

This past year, our relationship and the way he was towards me made my own depression and anxiety worse.

1) he never went back to therapy or got any help. His depression got worse, including his insecurities and jealousy. It got to the point where he didn’t want to do a certain activity with me anymore because he was afraid we’d run into people I had been with, even though I wouldn’t tell him I had been with that person if that did happen. And he didn’t want to feel weird doing that activity because of that. He also didn’t want to discuss it. That was his final say.

2) I also was very depressed and had insecurity and jealousy issues. But I knew I needed to work on it for myself and our relationship. So I did, and it greatly improved.

3) I have more experience than him. While the relationship was open, I had multiple fwbs and he was only able to hook up with three women two months in. I also told me more than he wanted to know, which I deeply regret. I was happy for him that he was having new experiences since I was the only he had ever been with before, and I just wanted the same in return. I also wanted to share my own personal growth with him that wasn’t sexual, but I couldn’t.

There’s more, but this is getting too long. The night before last, I called him so we could talk about it, but he got the days wrong we agreed he’d come over to talk. So we just talked on the phone. I told him how’ve I’ve been feeling. We were both crying and he kept saying he’s sorry, that I deserve better and I didn’t do anything wrong. Last night he came over to break up with me in person. It hurt so much. He wouldn’t even talk to me. I asked him how this is better for him, since he said it’s better for the both of us. All he said is there’s nothing to talk about.

My heart is so broken. He was one of my best friends. I don’t know how to even imagine my life without him. There’s was also so much good in our relationship and so many great memories and experiences. All I’ve want is to talk to him and have him hold me in his arms. Thank you so much for reading all this, I know it’s a lot. I’m just at a loss with how to move forward. I even offered to close the relationship, but he said it’s not about that. Last night I also saw that he bought a membership to feeld not even four hours after he left my house to break up with me. I’m so hurt.