So me (35f) and my nesting partner (36m) have been together for almost 13 years, 12 of those years we have been monogamous. I realized last year that I've been poly my whole life and used to think when I was a teenager I was just scared of commitment or being a slut. I didn't really start looking into polyamory until recent years, but last year after I broke up with my partner for a brief period I ended up getting on some dating apps and hooking up with someone, long story short I realized I have felt polyamorous since I was a teen. I've only ever had 2 serious romantic relationships, I had plenty of partners before my first marriage at 17 though. Before last year I had only been in those 2 monogamous relationships back to back for 17 years.

Some back story about my nesting partner and I, we've been best friends since I was 16 but had never had a sexual relationship together until my divorce at 23. Before we became friends I had multiple fwb or "booty calls" and when we became friends I told him everything about my sexcapades in vivid detail usually. I mean we were, and still very much are, best friends. One of my fwb at the time was "Paul" we'll call him. We all hung out together from time to time so we all have know each other for the past 19 years. However, Paul and I had been friends, and sleeping together as fwb for 2 years before I ever had met my NP.

Some backstory on Paul. He and I became friends and were practically inseparable for those 2 years we first knew each other. He is one of the best sexual partners I've had and our sexual chemistry was always amazing. So naturally my NP knew all about the great sex Paul and I had, since we were fwb for 3 years. When I married my ex husband at 18 my NP was crushed by it because we loved each other then but just never pursued it. My husband was very controlling and pulled me away from pretty much all my friends, so me and my NP never hung out much while I was married. Paul on the other hand hung out with me and my husband, my husband liked partying with him. Paul also befriended my family, and I his, because we hung out so much. Paul has just always been in my life. The thing about Paul and I though was that we never wanted to date each other at that time, we were strictly fwb. We didn't hold hands, we never really kissed, we didn't cuddle or do anything "romantic". Matter of fact, we barely told anyone we were sleeping together at all. When I got married I was a faithful monogamous wife and so Paul and I hadn't slept together after I wasn't single.

Cut to 20 years later Paul and I are still friends and we all hangout here and there, life's busy so we don't talk much. After me and my NP came out as poly we told him and he was kind of shocked and even talked to my NP alone about how he was doing and if he was really okay with the poly lifestyle etc. When I came out as poly I had no potential partners, my eye was set on no one in particular. A few months ago I hung out with Paul and we kinda flirted and I made a couple jokes about us sleeping together after all these years and he played along too. I wasnt even sure if he would be interested honestly. We started texting a little more and then we made plans to hookup one day, he got cold feet and stood me up. When my NP knew about that it wasn't an issue no jealousy or arguments.

Well now I see that Paul has been trying to call and text me on a chat app I haven't had installed in ages and finally texted my cell. He was showing interest again in hanging out and maybe us rekindling our fwb relationship. I brought it up to my NP and asked him how he felt about that, he said it didn't make him feel very good and that it didn't really matter what or how it made him feel since I'm just gonna do whatever I want anyways. That's where we've ended the conversation tonight, me crying and telling him I'm sorry that I'm poly and that I don't want to ever hide things from him. He apologized for getting upset, but then asked me how I would feel if he dated one of his ex girlfriends. I responded that Paul and I were never in a relationship like that, and he said it's still just hard for him.

He says he doesn't want a one penis policy because he thinks it's stupid, but when I talk about seeing other men he gets jealous and struggles. However we've had threesomes with other men and he's totally fine with that. He said it's more of a FOMO thing, but he doesn't ever say that when I'm with women.

Any advice or suggestions, tips, criticism... Anything lol. I just don't know what to say when I bring it up again 😔 Thank y'all 🩷