I (31M) and partner (28F) - How Do I Reclaim My Relationship After My Girlfriend's 'Best Friend' Took Over or make this poly relationship ago with some rules?

My name is Alex. I’m 31 (Bi), and my wife Evie, who’s 28 (Bi), and I have been married for nearly four years, together for seven. We met on Bumble in 2017, and from the moment I met her, I knew she was someone special. Evie’s the kind of person who naturally draws people in, funny, sharp, and effortlessly cool. I fell for her hard and fast.

Early in our relationship, Evie confided in me that she’s bisexual. I was the first person she told, and I stood by her side when she came out to her parents. Thankfully, they were accepting, and it brought us even closer. Our relationship was built on trust, honesty, and mutual respect, and I always felt secure in the life we were building together.

Over the years, we would joke about her attraction to women. We would sit in coffee shops, pointing out women we thought were cute. Occasionally, the topic of a threesome would come up, but it was always light-hearted. We weren’t actively pursuing anything like that; it was more of a “what if” fantasy. I never felt like it was something we would actually explore.

But everything started to shift in mid-2023, when Keira, one of Evie’s new co-workers, entered our lives. Keira initially came across as friendly and confident, a typical new colleague. I didn’t think much of it when Evie started spending more time with her, grabbing drinks after work, texting more often, and occasionally inviting her over. Evie had been feeling a bit isolated since we moved in 2022, so I was glad to see her making a new friend.

When I first met Keira in person, I could tell she wasn’t just some casual friend. She was charismatic, with a natural charm that made people feel at ease. She identifies as queer (anything but straight). One evening, when we were all having drinks at home, the conversation turned playful, and we touched on the idea of a threesome. It was more of a joke at first, but there was an energy in the room that made it clear we weren’t just talking hypotheticals anymore.

A few days later, Keira approached me privately. She admitted that she had feelings for Evie but didn’t want to disrupt our marriage. She respected our boundaries and asked if it was okay to share those feelings with Evie. I appreciated her honesty. It felt like a rare kind of openness. After thinking it over, I gave her my blessing, under the condition that everything stayed above-board and Evie and I maintained open communication.

At first, things felt manageable. Evie was transparent about her feelings, and Keira made an effort to include me, making sure I never felt left out or sidelined. They started exploring their connection, which led to us having a threesome at one point. It was meant to be a shared experience, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that Evie and Keira were more focused on each other than on me. Still, I tried to see it as part of our journey, something we were navigating together.

Over the next few months, Keira became a constant presence in our lives. She would come over for dinner, spend nights on our couch, and even join us for outings. By October 2024, her lease was ending, and Evie asked if she could move in temporarily. I hesitated at first, unsure of how this would affect our dynamic. But after several honest conversations, I agreed.

Once Keira moved in, our lives became more intertwined. The boundaries we had initially set became blurrier. Evie and I still had our moments together, whether it was date nights or quiet evenings spent talking about the future. But Keira was always there, an ever-present part of our household. It wasn’t long before her clothes started showing up in the laundry, her favourite snacks appeared in our pantry, and her toothbrush found a permanent spot in our bathroom.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t struggle with it at times. There were nights when I came home from work trips and found Evie and Keira curled up on the couch, or worse, sharing our bed. They assured me it wasn’t meant to push me out, and I tried my best to believe them. I knew Evie loved me, and I didn’t want my insecurities to cloud our relationship.

Things came to a head in December 2024, when we got news that should have been the happiest moment of our lives. Evie was pregnant. After months of trying, we were finally going to be parents. For a brief moment, it felt like everything would fall into place. Evie was radiant, her excitement infectious as we talked about baby names and started planning for the nursery.

But the joy was short-lived. One evening, Evie and Keira sat me down for a serious talk. Evie, with tears in her eyes, admitted that her feelings for Keira had deepened. She was in love with her, but she also insisted that her love for me hadn’t changed. She wanted to find a way for the three of us to coexist as a family. Keira stayed quiet, but her presence alone made the weight of the moment unbearable.

It felt like the ground had shifted beneath me. I was hurt, confused, and unsure of where I stood in all of this. But I could see how much Evie was struggling, torn between her love for me and her feelings for Keira. She begged me to understand, to give her time to figure things out. Despite my heartbreak, I told her I was willing to try, or her, for us, and for the baby.

We agreed to keep the lines of communication open and to set boundaries that worked for all of us. Over the next few months, we tried to navigate this new reality. Some days were easier than others. I could see how happy Evie was with Keira, but I couldn’t help feeling like a bystander in my own marriage.

By the time Keira fully integrated into our lives, it was clear that this wasn’t just a phase or a temporary arrangement. Evie’s love for Keira was real, and so was her commitment to me. We even revisited the idea of a threesome, not as a solution to our problems, but as a way to deepen the connection between all of us. It wasn’t perfect, but it helped us feel more united, even if only briefly.

We’ve had a lot of conversations about how this dynamic would work when it comes to parenting. Keira has expressed that she wants to take an active role in raising our child, not just as Evie’s girlfriend but as someone deeply invested in the family we’re building. She wants to contribute emotionally, financially, and practically—essentially co-parenting alongside us.

It’s a lot to wrap my head around. I see how much Evie and Keira care for each other, and I can tell Keira is genuine about wanting to be a part of our child’s life. Will I still feel like an equal partner? Will we be able to maintain healthy boundaries while raising a child in such an unconventional setup?

These are questions we’re still working through, but I want to give this a fair shot. At the end of the day, the most important thing is creating a stable, loving environment for our child. If we can figure out a way to make this work, with clear communication and mutual respect, maybe this can be a version of family that works for all of us.

It’s not what I imagined when Evie and I started our journey together, but life rarely plays out the way you expect. I’m learning to embrace the unexpected and focus on what truly matters: love, support, and the commitment to making this family as strong as it can be.