Me and my wife are together for 7 years. She is currently unhappy with her life. After 10 years of studying the job she always thought would be her dream job appeared to be stressful monotone and exhausting. She is a great and loving mother of a toddler but she doesn’t finds fulfilment in being “just a mom”. She started in parallel about four new hobbies and I try the best I can to give her as much room as I can to find fulfilment without sacrificing my own need for a bit me-time. We both work full time and raise the kid equally and right now life is really exhausting for both of us and we feel caught in a loop of work, chores, care work and Netflix. IMHO our sex also suffers from all this. A week ago she told me she wants sex with other people. This made me excited, curious and anxious the same time but I immediately told her: ok let’s swap with another couple or invite someone for a threesome. I had swinging in mind and nothing else. After that we didn’t spent much time communicating the topic deeply. She wanted to let it sink in. I wrote in the meantime a document that was pretty chaotic containing my feelings, boundaries and needs.

I also discussed the topic yesterday with my therapist and I was really enthusiastic. Yesterday I wrote her a WhatsApp message I want to go to a couple therapist and discuss the topic because I wanted some external moderation. When she came home from work she had headache and a really bad mood and it was eventually the worst time to to discuss this but my seek for an expensive couple therapy animated her to want to discuss now.

She started talking about wanting ONS because she never had one. One very clear boundary of mine was same room and when discussing this boundary when I told her that I want to explore our sexuality together.!Without thinking about it she said she doesn’t want to explore our sexuality together she just wants sex with other people. I got really angry and told her that we can file for divorce and then she can have as many ONS as she wants. She then told me she is sorry but the damage was done. I was angry and crying and hurt and frustrated. She tried to lead me into sex but I blocked. She told me that she has no energy to deal with my emotions and she doesn’t know what she did wrong. I told her that in that case it’s over. I cried the whole morning while our kid ate his breakfast. I got a sick note continue crying. My wife looked also terrible but she went to work.