TL:DR - A friend of my recently alluded to the possibility of me having a sexual relationship with their partner and after thinking about it (kind of a lot...) I think I want to do it. Problem is, I don't KNOW that's what they meant and I have NO IDEA how to ask them!

Long Version:

I (F, mid 30's) am not actually non-monogamous. Not only am I not interested in a relationship with multiple people, I'm not even really interested in a relationship with ONE person. I firmly identify as aromantic, and sex generally hasn't been super important to me, though I don't identify as asexual. It's just...not a priority. I like living alone. I like having my space, my freedom to do what I want when I want to. I tried dating in my early 20's and found it exhausting and while I was was interested in sex, the few times I had it... it just wasn't that good. So...I haven't really had sex with another person in...a while.

That being said, I'm not a prude or anything! I consider myself pretty forward thinking and open. I have an amazing group of friends that I love and have known for most of my life, and sex is a topic of conversation often! I like smutty books and audio and look at porn on occasion. I've got a decent collection of toys, I get in the mood often enough! I've considered things like one night stands and a FWB, enough to download an app or two a couple of times over the years, but I found that to be all so...overwhelming and too much work and never got that far with them. It's just...not what I want.

My friends asked me in the past what kind of situation it would take for it to ~happen~ for me, and honestly, the conditions I came up with were so specific, I accepted it was never going to happen. Because I want a man (sorry ladies, I flirted with the idea in my 20's and it wasn't for me) who I can spend like...5-6 nights with a YEAR. Who doesn't want a girlfriend or a wife or anything romantic, but at the same time, is someone who is kind and affectionate and is someone who knows me, but doesn't NEED me.

If you had to read that three times and are thinking "Yeah, ok, that doesn't work that way." I KNOW! And honestly, I've been ok with that...until about two months ago. Which is why I'm here!

One of my very close friends (we can call her V) told us over the summer her and her longtime (20 years) husband were experimenting with threesomes, their first foray into non-monogamy. She had a lot to talk about, and it seemed like they were enjoying it and at the time I didn't really think much of it. Until early in November. We were together, just having tea and talking, and she mentioned that they feel really comfortable in what they've been doing and said she wouldn't mind if her partner (let's call him D) did some things on his own with someone else.

She said they weren't polyamorous and didn't want him to have like a girlfriend or anything, and she was worried about him being with some random stranger who was going to take up all his time or not respect their marriage, but she said she ~wouldn't mind if someone could help lighten the load for her, someone who she felt comfortable with and didn't have to worry would cause relationship problems for her~. And for the past two months I've been kind of thinking about that obsessively. So hear me out.

She has said...many times over her relationship with D, that he has a high libido, like, too high for her sometimes. He's nice about it, though, he doesn't pressure her and he's certainly never cheated. I've heard many times from V that he is very generous and eager lover, but he doesn't overstep. He's a good guy. He's fun, he's funny, he's smart and kind and we actually get along really well. He's always been "the model boyfriend/husband" that every other significant other in our friend group gets compared to (he's also been around the longest.) And...if I'm being honest...I've had a fantasy or two about him, over the years...

But ever since V made that comment to me, I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT HAVING SEX WITH HIM! Like, I have NEVER been this horny for this long. And I've been going over that comment in my head over and over and over. V KNOWS my sexual history, knows how I am, and what I want, and why I generally don't bother with sex (it has been a while...) It really feels like she made that comment specifically at me? At least that's how I THINK she meant it...maybe. But I'm terrified I got it all wrong and I totally misinterpreted it and and me saying anything could be super weird and impact this long and great friendship in a negative way.

So for the past month I've been researching non-monogamy, reading books, lurking in forums like this, but nobody ever really talks about how to tell if you are on someone else's "messy list" (which seems to often include close friends for some, but also some of you seem to think friends are the best people to have sex with! AHH?!?!) So what in the world is a girl supposed to do in my situation? I haven't worked up the nerve to talk to her about it, but I can't just do nothing so I worked up the nerve to anonymously ask a bunch of strangers! Should I just let this go? Only bad things could come of it? Or is it worth trying to figure out if this is something that could happen, and if so, HOW DO I DO THAT!?