I need advice. Not sure where else to post this, so I'll post it here.

My wife has decided that she wants me to get with other women as part of a newly realized cuckquean kink. The issue is that EVERY single time I've tried to go meet other women, she's found an excuse or issue that she didn't like. And I didn't go. It's happened 3 times. And I'm getting to the point where I no longer want to participate with it.

And before the accusations come with "Sounds like you're pressuring her," I was initially against it. She put on a very convincing facade for years that she was extremely jealous of other women even talking to me, up to and including coworkers in a professional setting and random "will never see again in my life" store clerks. She even told me to stop staring (out loud, for everyone to hear btw) at some rando while we were waiting in a register line while I was facing and looking the wrong direction. There was an incident in the beginning of our marriage when she caught me with porn. And for several years after that, it felt like I could do no right in her eyes if anything at all involved other women. Just to come to find out, several years later, that she found it very attractive that she caught me and that she wanted me to do more. Finding shit on my phone, reading messages to/from other women, meet up with other women and most recently she claims she wants me to find a girlfriend. And I agreed to it, but gave her full veto power. I could be balls deep, about to arrive and the consent to carry on can be retracted. I've used that exact phrasing to her. Several times so it's known. I did that because I had a healthy suspicion she would get jealous again. And I'm beginning to think I was right. Also, we both agreed that STD testing would be nonnegotiable prior to meeting.

A few months back, I met someone on Feeld, and we hit it off. Had a couple of hour long video calls, texted regularly and flirted LOTS. She became very jealous of that. And I'll admit, I should've backed off when I was with family instead of flirting with her. Mistakes made, lessons learned. That one was mostly on me. But the jealousy and the distance she had with me when i was talking to this woman was not. Even during the times I was not with family, she seemed very jealous. It seemed like she didn't like the idea of me engaging with her at all. Especially because we had a lot of shared interest when my wife and I really didn’t. Something that we have since been working on.

Then, I met another woman. She was even interested in including her friend. Ready to go, ready to meet and chat, BAM. "I don't think you should talk to her. I don't think it's a real person." She says this about nearly every single one. And it's becoming infuriating. She is TERRIFIED of life. Doesn't want to go do anything she deems "scary" because it seems she's scared of life. I'm the complete opposite. I'm a "wish a mother fucker would" kind of person. And if backstreet Billy and the gang wanna try to jump me, then I'm totally okay with letting them meet the mystery mousekatool I always have on me. But she's scared, and it's hard to do anything with her because of that. Even outside of sex.

And then, last night, I'm looking to meet up with another woman next Saturday. We're into each other, and we want to meet. She lives about 2.5 hours away. A bit far, but I can manage it. I go to ask my wife for her thoughts before I agree to next Saturday night. Exact quote, "You're not driving 2.5 hours." Her demeanor was very obvious that she didn't want me to meet with this woman. Period.

At this point, it feels like I'm stuck. I get pressured by her to find willing women and that I need to do more, but then when I do, everything gets shot down. I'm expected to hurry up and do it, but also I need to endlessly text with this person to find out fucking everything about them. It's like she gets horny and everything is on the table. And then 3 days later, when she's in a mood and feeling some type of way, I'm not allowed to do anything with someone else. It's fucking confusing.

I'm getting to the point where I'm done with polyamory and letting her be a cuck. Which sucks. Because I'm finding the idea of going back to monogamy really damn difficult. My confidence has since gone up. And I'm legitimately enjoying the idea and what little experience of it I've had from the lifestyle.

I just need advice from someone with way more experience on this. I'm half convinced she really doesn't want to do this, but she won't just say it. But I can't know that for sure. Because I'm not a fucking psychic.