My husband and I have been together for 12 years in a monogamous relationship. I am queer and demisexual, and about 6 years ago, he came out as bisexual. While he is hetero-romantic, he is sexually attracted to both men and women.

He has had a few minimal sexual experiences with men and has expressed a desire to explore this side of his sexuality further—specifically, with me involved. We’ve also the shared desire of threesomes, foursomes, etc with men & women. His preference has always been to explore sexually with others as a couple, rather than separately.

As we've tried to find play partners, we've both faced challenges. Neither of us is interested in one-night stands or casual hookups, so we realized that we wanted to find a more consistent partner (or partners) for regular experiences that feel also like intimate friends. This led us to create profiles on Feeld.

As a demisexual person, my approach to finding partners is more about building a connection first—getting to know people, finding common ground, and creating intimacy. My husband, on the other hand, is more focused on keeping things casual and meeting people without necessarily building that deeper bond. I thought it would be okay to have different approaches while maintaining a joint experience.

Lately, I’ve connected with a few bisexual men who are interested in both of us. However, my husband tends to dismiss these connections, citing a lack of attraction to them. He also seems to get jealous when I form these connections, even though he acknowledges that sexual exploration and building connections are part of sexual expression for both of us.

The biggest challenge for me right now is that it feels like my husband is not really open to exploring the people I’m interested in, or to the types of experiences I’d like to have. His lack of openness, especially when it comes to the connections I’m forming, makes it feel like our attractions are no longer aligning in a way that allows for the kind of exploration I envision. I want us both to have the freedom to explore our desires and attractions, but right now it feels like we’re on different pages.

I’m starting to feel more open to dating separately, especially since I’ve found people I’m interested in that my husband isn’t attracted to. But he has expressed that he doesn’t want to date others separately and has become more closed off to exploring at all.

I feel like we’re at an impasse, where one of us will have to make a sacrifice. I’m feeling shut down and frustrated. How do we navigate this? Any advice on how to communicate our needs better or find a solution that works for both of us?

Thank you