Navigating open relationship difficulties (married)

My husband and I have been married for 12 years, together 14.

About 5 months ago we decided to open our marriage. We have also been seeing a couples therapist to help us with this transition.

We agreed we wanted to explore new sexual experiences. We are constantly reevaluating the boundaries. But the one boundary that has never changed is we don’t date other people. Grabbing a drink to calm nerves/get comfortable and then followed by sex is ok. But no dinners, outings, date like activities, etc.

My husband meets this new woman on a dating app and tells me he’s meeting her for a drink. He was gone for FIVE hours with her. They didn’t have sex. They just hung out. And this may seem odd but this is just not what we agreed to. This was a date. You meet people with the intention of having sex and you’re up front about that. Thats not what happened here.

I can’t get over how jealous and hurt I feel imagining him sitting there for hours with this woman flirting and giving her parts of himself we agreed not to do. She is clearly looking for a relationship (he let me read their texts and she even said she struggling with him being married - which tells me she wants more).

I feel like I’m being irrational. But I cannot shake this. I am so hurt. I’m so jealous. I have been crying on and off since he went out with her. I know he plans to see her next week while I’m away for work and I am DREADING it.

I am the one who initially brought up opening the relationship because I have sexual needs not being met. I love him. I love our family. I love the experiences with other men I’ve personally been able to have. It’s been so thrilling.

But I’m struggling to handle things from his end. I just feel like he crossed a boundary. But at the same time that feels insane to say I’m upset he DID NOT have sex with her and literally just spent time with her.

I don’t know what to do.