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Any of you have a primary partner and a EMM arrangement that allows friends with benefits? How does it work for you? Any advice? Pitfalls?
My partner and I are looking to try casual hookups that can reoccur without them turning into relationships. The plan is to deescalte if things start getting too intense. This is all hypocritical at the moment. We want to start off with a solid base / security.
Offer actual friendship, dinner dates, casual but consistent partnership. I find having the rule you don't play on the first date keeps things from being a ONS, and is appreciated so they know that while it's casual I'm not just looking for my own sexual gratification and they aren't a sex toy
Having swung for 4 years before moving to a little more poly/swing hybrid situation and now date pretty exclusively separate, this is what couples and people often state that they want. A good % is lip service or people believe it but are pulled away by the new shiny thing after 2-4 dates, and then you have more who are pulled away by real life or maybe complicated feelings from them or their partner. So the fuck buddy arrangements typically expire quickly, but given time and experience you'll get better at eventually gaining consistent fun partners. If you date as a team you'll have plenty of opportunity on apps and at clubs and enm/ lifestyle places. If you're dating solo, a woman on the apps will have so many options. A man, unless ridiculously attractive, will have very few opportunities if all you can offer is being a fuck buddy to women on the apps. You can find more options with hot wife couples, where they typically also don't want feelings to develop. You'll have better success at clubs on nights they allow single men, meet & greets, parties, etc. then you will online.
I would recommend going to clubs, resorts and parties. It's a lot easy if you go together as single men are kept out of a lot of spaces, even if you 2 want to date separately and meet people who are okay with you 2 not being a package deal.
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You'll have more opportunities on the app than solo men, but it's still tricky on the apps. I have many bi female friends in and out of ENM and they have difficulty finding solo women through the apps and 90% of their his are unicorn hunters. I definitely recommend lgbtq spaces, in person meet upstairs, etc. There are also female only enm/ lifestyle parties.