hi everyone!

i’d really appreciate to hear an informed take on this situation

i met a girl at my new job, we work in different programs but same department. we hit it off immediately and built a strong friendship with lots of fun, laughter, amazing conversations, etc. we started to hang out more, especially because she would inititate communication and invite me to do stuff together. while doing this, we got really close and developed feelings for each other.

but she’s been in a relationship for two years with a guy that’s still living in her previous city. now they’re long distance. after meeting me, she asked him to open the relationship so she could date me. they’re negotiating that.

at first i was on board bc i really like her and we genuinely have feelings for each other. but now i’m having second thoughts, because i identify as monogamous and, to be honest, as a lesbian, i don’t feel like being secondary to a primary hetero relationship.

the thing is that our conection and chemistry are insane in every level, and i’m really struggling with the feelings. i told her i would only date her if/when she is available, but don’t want to force anything, you know?

i already tried distancing myself, friendzoning her, but we share work and circle of friends, so we see each other often and feelings are getting stronger. also, bc of this circumstance, there wouldn’t be no boundary between those spaces and her relationship with the guy and me—and i don’t want to mix them up.

to be honest, i don’t want to deal with her partner and relationship AT ALL. but we really like each other. yesterday she gave a very sweet gift and card ugh

i need guidance and would love to hear what y’all have to say. thank you