Husband [34M] and I [37F] opened up our marriage this year. He brought up a desire for me to be with other men early in our relationship and it was something we talked about for years before acting on it. (I also knew that he has a queer side he'd like to explore and a desire for things like pegging and/or being bottomed that I'm less interested in.)

With his consent, I reached out to a former FWB (let's call him Matt) who lives very far away. By chance, nearly a year after that, work took Matt to our city and we hooked up a few times. It was great! Hot, passionate, fun, and that energy came back to the bedroom with my husband. Matt and I ended up planning a trip away a couple months after that, again with husband's consent. Upon return, husband said the trip was overlong and we fought a bit. Talked about boundaries, checked in repeatedly, consulted our own therapists, and came back stronger. He asked me to hold off planning anything with Matt for a while. When we'd have sex he would ask me to recount times with Matt. Then he gave me the green light to plan something again with Matt.

Matt was happy to make plans again and returned to where we live a few months later for another rendezvous. This time I heard my husband's concerns about time away. We kept things as normal for our child as possible. I still did school pick-ups, made dinner, got them into bed, etc, and was free to have fun in the evening. Husband asked for some video which I floated to Matt and he was happy to provide. They even met each other, we all went out for a drink, everyone got on very well and we hung out again at the end of his trip.

Right before Matt left, work called and by chance he was asked to be in our city for another week and another week later on. This caused some friction when I told my husband. I told him I was making no assumptions about being able to see Matt. Husband ultimately told me I should go see him again a couple more times, but also clearly is struggling with how much it is happening.

Ultimately I'm left feeling like I don't know how best to support my husband while continuing to enjoy this situation with Matt. Husband clearly conflicted - he's very turned on by it, wants to talk about it during sex, is still keen for us to hookup, but also feels like it's too much. I feel like since Matt lives so far away I am eager to enjoy him while he's around.

For his part, my husband did go out on one date with a man. He came back expressing some desire to be more a part of the queer scene and feeling energized by that, which I was fully supportive of. He has expressed that his own desire for outside sexual contact is fairly small and not something he wants to prioritize.

Any suggestions? We are discussing seeing a counselor in the new year to discuss this with but figured I'd lob it here too. Sorry for the length.

TL;DR - How do I help my husband with his mixed feelings about my outside sexual relationship? Are these normal growing pains or am I missing something bigger?