Original: https://www.reddit.com/r/nonmonogamy/s/BGsFBYjUCA

First of all, thanks for all the advice before. This whole world is new to me and I don’t really have anyone to talk to about this. At least not anyone I can get semi-unbiased opinions from. Anyway, on to the update…

Due to the advice I received here, I did finally talk to my partner about how I was feeling. This turned out to be an hours long conversation. A lot was said and discussed. Far more than I can relay here but the highlights are:

• My partner feels that while we have had a good sex life, their sexual chemistry with the new guy is far more intense.

• They have started to develop feelings for the new person.

• They would like to see where things would go with this new person but they still love me and don’t want to lose me.

• They have fun with me and do enjoy life with me but I’m not quite their type. They always imagined being with someone taller than them and foreign. Obviously I’m neither of those. New guy lets them fulfill that fantasy. However, they see value in me and choose to be with me despite all that.

• I have “intangibles” that the other person doesn’t. Which is why they feel so deeply connected to me.

• They like their new partner’s natural scent. Not actually important but slightly annoying since their dislike of mine has been a major theme in our relationship.

So where it stands now is shifting to a more polyamorous set up. We are still nesting partners for the time being but their goal is something non-hierarchal. They are limiting themselves to just the two of us. This means that they are splitting their time between us more evenly.

Tbh I’m not really sure that I’ll ever be happy with this. I’m glad that everything is out in the open now so I don’t have to guess. Unfortunately, many of my suspicions have been proven true. However, I live in a small-ish town and just turned 30 so it’s not like there’s a ton of fish in the sea. I won’t completely drown myself but I’ll see how this goes I guess.