I have been ENM for a few years now. I have been dating a femme and a masc/femme couple for about 2 years. My web is now growing bigger as I have started seeing a new person, the femme has started seeing a new person pretty regularly (he also has another partner who has other partners), and both the female and the couple are looking for more connections (casual and more ongoing). The femme, the femme’s new partner, the couple, and I all get tested regularly (multiple times a year).

With my web of individuals getting so large, I’m not sure how best to be conveying STI relevant information. I used to inform my partners anytime someone in my web had a new partner and what their STI status is. Maybe this wasn’t the best strategy, but it was working. This just doesn’t seem feasible now that the web has gotten so large.

How do people handle this? Convey their risk profile and make sure their immediate partners know so that if something doesn’t fit, they inform you then, but not otherwise? Do you only worry about you and your immediate partners and trust them to manage themselves and their immediate partners? What information do you want to know and what triggers when you want to know?

I’m feeling overwhelmed about how to communicate things sufficiently. I understand that what works will be different for each person/relationship, but I could really use advice on what other people do and what works for them so I have some options that will help me determine what works for me.

Another related question is: my new potential partner has HSV-1 orally and has for a while. She is familiar with the feeling when an outbreak is imminent and communicates that to me so that we limit interactions accordingly. Another one of my partners is feeling anxious about the new partner’s HSV-1 and wants me to ask them if they would be willing to go on an antiviral. They stressed that this was just a request, but that it would help them feel more comfortable. I’m not really sure how I feel about that, but initially felt uncomfortable about it. What does everyone else think about this too?

Thanks to everyone in advance for their responses.