I am in the UK, specifically in Scotland. Are there registered couple counsellors who can help with ENM/poly relationships? I am concerned about prejudices and judgements from counsellors not open to this context.

The issue for us is that my spouse (F49) and I (M56) agreed to an ENM open relationship in the summer - it was intended as a way to add fun to our sex lives in that we would tell each other in detail about the encounters we had. This all worked fine until one of my wife’s early dates led to her and him falling in love with each other and now they see this as a poly relationship where he is as important to her as me (she says I’m her number one, but has said she would leave me if I don’t let her do this, not that I ever would). I am struggling with deep feelings of inadequacy and unwantedness etc. (not least as I think she has far more sex with him than with me, even though she generally sees him just every three weeks because of distance; I think he’s probably more fun or more adventurous in bed than I am).

Moving to a poly situation was never discussed with me, but I am now in a situation where he is dominating our conversations and we are really struggling, because I never wanted to be a part of a poly relationship and feel this is something I have no choice but to be in if I want to stay married to her (which I most definitely do, she is my forever person). I will do anything for her, including trying to adapt to this, but need help doing so, and we want to do the counselling together (I also want this for us both, as I think we both need to reflect in different ways on how we’ve ended up here and how we move forwards).

So is there a way to find ENM/poly-friendly couple counsellors (as we live in a very rural context, video chat etc. would be best)?

PS Thank you, but I am not wanting judgements or comments about my or her actions or attitudes, I simply wonder about counselling.