my ex an I broke up November 18. i asked for no contact, because i believe she would find it harder to guess if we were together, taking a break, or breaking up completely. i said it was over. and requested no contact. if i were to have my way, i would’ve liked us to stay friends and continue to support each other in that fashion. but from past experience, i know she would struggle managing the distance, and it would cause her anxiety.

i believe she is in a world of pain right now. knowing her. and knowing the level of attachment she had for me. while i always loved her, i was never sure i could be satisfied enough to stop dating other women with her. there have been women in the past i had met that i felt no need to date others while with them. not the case with this person. she knew this. and we had attempted non-monogamy. however, although we broke up in May 2024, we tried to stay friends. and at some point she realized, in her words, friendship was not an option for her. i told her i’ll need some distance from dating her (and others) while i figure out my wants and needs, instead of the chaos and confusion of all of this. we went on a final date November 12. then November 18 she called me, anxious and in pain about the distance, and that’s when i asked for a clear break up and no contact.

knowing her, i know she’s thinking of me. would welcome a birthday wish. if i wish her a happy birthday, it’ll provide her some hope. my worry, is while im still figuring things out, i should probably stay clear.

yes?

tl;dr: should wish an ex happy birthday, given her anxious attachment style?