Husband and I are swingers who play solo from time to time and return with videos or the other watches. We are “emotionally monogamous”, and don’t get to actually swing/play much because of busy life.

We have lots of fun, dirty sex. And if we aren’t having sex, I’m providing oral (I enjoy this a lot, trust me.) But we rarely ever make love since joining the LS. Maybe once a month, but even that seems like a generous estimate. My husband says all I need to do to get “love making” is ask, and in the times where it’s worked out that I’ve asked, he has delivered happily.

However, he is the one who initiates sex more often. And mostly because I usually try in the evenings, but he is/we are too tired after work for sex. He naturally wakes up about an hour before his alarm goes off and tends to wake me up by initiating. Which is great, but he’s already 3 steps ahead of me and in a dirty-kinky headspace before I even open my eyes. If I try to change the narrative in the middle of foreplay after he’s already gotten started, it turns him off because he feels turned down and also feels like I’m not interested in the same thing he is at that time. A big part of it for him is that I enjoy it, too. I know that I could ask… but idk when or how I’m supposed to ask for what I want/need if he’s already 3 steps ahead of me the only time of day we both have the energy to offer sex. This isn’t an issue of whether I get off or not… but I’m not feeling emotionally connected to him because of this. And I’m almost feeling jealousy, because he seems perfectly content with skipping the dirty talk and kink with playmates, but for some reason I don’t get the same.