For context: me (29NB) and my partner (32M) started dating 8 months ago and made it official 6 months ago - from the outset we agreed we were interested in ENM as primary partners in an open relationship seeking sexual connections from other partners. Me for the reasons 1) I had been in a long term mono relationship for most of my 20s that only recently ended (4 months prior) before we started seeing each other and haven’t had the chance to fully explore all aspects of my sexuality as a bi femme, 2) finding it hard to “own” being sexual (partly an internalised safety thing, partly coming into realising/feeling I’m attractive later in life and not dating around a whole lot, partly some entrenched/default loyal mono feelings toward flirtation) but think ENM could be a good way to unlock it, and 3) I often feel trapped trying to be the only thing for one person, but wouldn’t have necessarily felt the pull to sleep with other people in mono dynamics. him for the reason that he’s often felt a bit trapped in mono dynamics mostly in the sense of being interested in other people sexually and also is bi, so there’s a certain limit mono puts on that identity. He’s had some nm experience with previous partners but bad communication characterised a lot of them and the opening up led to a lot of issues. I am complete newbie but have a few nm/poly friends in healthy dynamics that I’m learning a lot from. We agreed some basic ground rules at the start, but to be honest have been mostly just focused on deepening our own connection, communication and trust as a couple. I haven’t slept with anyone else yet, he’s slept with one person once and communicated the boundaries we agreed at the outset. Now that we’re this far into this relationship, and I’ve learned more about practising ENM we’re both interested in exploring more nuanced boundaries and the possibilities for what our relationship setup could look like!

The ask: Specifically for couples looking for casual partner connections,

Solo play - what to consider in moving from one night stands to dating casually? - what are some common ground rules in casual dating that are useful to ensure your primary partner feels secure (do you cap the dates, do they happen only at certain times, do you limit sexual interaction solely to irl or have ground rules for text comms?) - and for the partner your casually seeing, making them secure and avoiding power dynamics - is it generally better to casually date other ENM couples rather than single people (my sense from reading is that there’s a tendency for a single person feeling like a ‘third’ as a FWB and also maybe the fact that couples satisfy emotional intimacy through their other partner(s), slightly less risky in terms of catching feelings, but I could be wrong!)?

Group play - any tips for moving into space of sex clubs/ kink nights etc.? - threesome vs foursome for beginners - how to avoid one person feeling left out, again is it likely better to do with another couple? - How best to communicate before, during and after group play

General - disclosure types - we’re considering a tell when asked style, don’t need to know the ins and outs unless pertinent (eventually if there’s a chance they could be in the same setting or if it’s useful in terms of our availability for one another, etc then maybe initiated outside of an “ask”) but open to suggestions or experiences!

• anything you think is relevant to the context above we’ve not considered!

TL;DR: open relationship couple looking to refine their boundaries as they are thinking more about putting ethical non monogamy into real practice - advice on solo play, group play and communication styles on disclosure most welcome!