Throwaway account.. Ok so let me say we are both struggling here. We have been together 16 years, two kids, mortgage, work together, the lot.

I have always struggled with my sexuality and more importantly my desires for sex with other people, in effect Mono/Poly. My partner has tried hard to accomodate my desires, but as I’m getting older I feel that I just have to explore this further. My partner is dead set against it. She says that is a hard no and if I want this that we our relationship is finished.

I have been quite sad for a while over this, everyone in my life is seemingly noticing my emotions are out of control. I am completely flat as it’s constantly playing in my mind. I don’t want to lose my family, in every respect I feel our relationship is solid, except in the bedroom where I am always more adventurous. If anything she has become less so as she has got older, but probably because I am also pushing for something she can’t provide.

So I am stuck, I either bury this part of myself and continue to let it eat me, or I leave. What if I leave and after a few experiences I get it out of my system and I realise that I didn’t need it. I’ll have thrown my relationship away for nothing?

Presumably relationships have had this feature before, how do you handle things like bi cycles, or the desire to be tied up and used, or heading into an adult cinema, or a gay sauna? Group sex, yes please! All of these things and more I want to try at least once in my life. Once I tick off the bucket list I feel it will probably settle down - but once I do the. my family will be gone.

I’m truly lost on how to handle this and make myself happy again. How can I have my partner see that I have an impossible choice?

Lastly, we are both seeing psychologists and have done for a while. I think hers is promoting body positivity and putting rules and limits in place, whereas mine is encouraging me to embrace my interests and be me. I have finally been able to embrace my bisexuality and acknowledge my kinks, this worries my partner as she’s concerned how she and our kids will be seen.