So, I've been poly for a long time. My entire adult life, actually. And about a year ago I went through a relationship with some...less than healthy people that made me go back and do a bunch of thinking and work. The end result of all that is I'm not entirely sure how poly I feel anymore.

I think I want to move towards something that's more focused around a consistent, primary partner and having that be our dynamic as long as that works for us.

I realize this is not an either/or thing, people have probably been screaming "monogamish" at the screen that entire paragraph but where I'm getting a little hung up and would appreciate some thoughts would be how do you actually present that to someone else?

I feel like to a poly person this reads "this person is mono and just not sure yet" and to a mono person it reads "this person doesn't want to be mono but doesn't want to say that." Either way, I can absolutely understand this being a "pick a lane" thought process for people or at least them having the thought of "you don't know what you want and I don't want to get involved with "I don't know."

Which is entirely valid, I can see that perspective.

One of the big places I get stuck is also I feel pretty strongly that it's not really feasible for one person to be everything another person might need from a partner and that it's not right to ask someone to make do with what they can get or go without. That helps me keep a foot in the non-mono world.

I guess I'm asking how you would discuss that with a potential partner or how you might feel if you heard someone talk about that with you.