This is an honest question so I apologize if it comes off rude or demeaning. It’s not meant in that way.

I’m trying to wrap my mind around the whole ENM/poly thing. I get that sex is just sex. I get that humans have the ability to care about a multitude of people at once. But I’m struggling with feeling like a can still be important to someone.

I personally think it’s easier to building an emotional connection than it is to find sexual chemistry. I believe this due to the number of people in sexually dissatisfying relationships. We date several people throughout our lives but may only find one or two who stand out on the sexual side. So if my partner finds someone with whom they have better sexual chemistry, what role do I play? Doesn’t that make me obsolete?

The only thing that would stop them from developing an emotional relationship with that person is some arbitrary rules we create. Even then, you can’t control your emotions. So now you have an emotional connection and better sexual chemistry with them. So why do you need me? Maybe you don’t so what’s the point of me being around.

At the most, my existence just makes their relationship with this other person more convenient. I’ll be there to handle all the responsibilities (bills, pets, kids, etc..) so you can just have fun with them. This just feels lame to me.