Apologies for using a throwaway, but I don't want to post this on my main account.

I was given a 'hall pass' by my SO. For context, she is much more sexually experienced than I am. I had very little experience before her, and most of it not so good. This is something we have spoke about, and after talking it over a few times, she offered me a 'hall pass'. The main condition was that were I to use it, she didn't want to hear about it.

I never really paid it much mind, which in retrospect was a mistake. You should always think these things through and make a well thought out decision! I didn't do that, instead telling myself I wouldn't act on it. Then got drunk, and did.

Now, I don't considering it cheating. After all, I was given explicit permission AND told not to say anything about it. If I tell her, I'm going against a rule she set.

I would say that it has changed my perspective about my inexperience. Like, who cares about that when you have a wonderful partner! But I do feel terrible, like I should have just mentally ripped up the pass and accepted who I am. The benefit of hindsight, I suppose.

This is as much an 'off my chest' post as a question, but I am wondering if anyone else has gone though this and can offer advice?