(removed, I believe, from r/polyamory for being a "common unicorn hunting" post... You have to love the stupidity and hypocrisy by some of the freedom loving polyamorous "community")

(Sorry. A bit long, though there's a lot I left unwritten.)

I (49M) have been married to my partner (49F) for 11 years, but we were together for 20 years before that. So, we've been in a committed relationship for 31 years. We have a daughter (21) and a son (13), who attended our small wedding(!) 🙂

During the pandemic years, we had a lot of time to rethink our relationship. We faced some struggles, but our main goal has always been to stay together and grow old with each other, mainly because we love each other and the beautiful life we've built together.

That said, since we started dating as teenagers, we didn't have the same range of emotional and sexual experiences that most people tend to have. On top of that, I've always wanted to have a threesome and have been unsuccessfully bringing up the idea for years.

I've also come to realize that I sometimes feel our relationship is unbalanced, as I believe I give more than I receive. I shared this with my wife and explained that I'm working on not becoming resentful because I know this isn't her fault - she gives everything she can to me and to our relationship. It's not her fault that I want something more.

A while back, I suggested that we open our relationship and start dating other people. She wasn't thrilled with the idea, but we've talked about it extensively since then - discussing how to manage emotions, insecurities, and so on. We've also had multiple therapy sessions, both individually and as a couple.

As it turns out (and as expected), she was the first to have an experience with another man. I felt okay about it because, from a young age, I've understood that jealousy has very little, or even nothing, to do with love. So, it was relatively easy for me to feel compersion. I was also hoping that she would "learn" from my reactions and see that not only can she still love me, but I would also love her, no matter what.

However, my wife is still struggling with feelings of jealousy.

To cut a long story short, my ideal scenario would be to have a triad (I know, I know...), though I know how challenging that can be. For now, I'd be happy to start with a threesome. But even that has been very difficult for my wife to navigate.

I'm feeling a bit hurt because she's already had an experience with someone else, while I haven't had any. (And I know how childish this sounds...) And I also refrain from actively pursuing other partner(s), because I know how difficult that would be for my wife to handle...

What can I do to reassure my wife that, no matter what happens, I'll always love her and want to be by her side? What advice would you give to her in this situation? And, what am I missing? What am I doing wrong?

Please be kind. And keep in mind that we don't want to part ways.