So to keep a long story short, I started a fwb arrangement with a guy and, if you ask me, it has turned (or is turning) into an open relationship. For a very long time there was no third person involved but he did say that he kept on chatting with people.

I won't go into details about his fetish, but it is something that I can't help him with. It's sort of a "you need to be in it in order to understand it" and we occasionally try but I'm fully aware that it'll never be the same when he does it with someone else.

The first time he met up with someone he didn't tell me because he was afraid of hurting me, but by not telling he realised that he hurt me even more. I cried for almost an hour and we discussed what we feel for each other and that we care a lot about each other. I told him that I fully understand that it is his thing, but that I want to know when he meets up with someone. Not only because of STDs but also because it's about trust and respect. This time he told me a week or two in advance that he was gonna plan something with the same guy as before. The guy also said "I don't want to come between the two of you, please tell me if that is ever the case". That helped.

Still, due to lack of sleep my head is spinning and I feel very insecure that I'm not good enough for him :( The guy also stayed 2 nights in a row and my bf told me that it's not some 72 hour orgy or anything. I wish I could be a fly on the wall and see how they interact before and after they did the dirty. At the same time it might be better not to know.