Husband and wife married 10 years. Wife comes out as lesbian and husband wants to save marriage so he agrees to open. Wife immediately finds partner and after a while have a commitment ceremony and calls her wife.

Husband finds girlfriend but relationship ends. Then he finds me and now we’re bf and gf. I’m mono and so is he. Wife claims everything is polyamory.

Husband and wife are highly entangled with children and finances. He’s very well off and wife hasn’t worked in years. Husband finances his wife and her wife’s trips out of obligation.

I’ve read a polyamory book, several articles and threads. This doesn’t feel very polycule or polyamory like the wife says.

Boyfriend says I’m not secondary but as I understand it being married makes them inherently hierarchical. I don’t mind that. What I do mind is the wife altering meetups randomly (she gets a stomach bug.. or the fact that she schedules everything)

Also; idk if it’s my business to say but I feel he’s being taken advantage of. His wife doesn’t work and he’s has several business he maintains. He also does the bulk of the child rearing. His wife mainly stays with her wife.

I love our time together and I’m definitely falling for him, but I hate to see anyone I care about used.