I'm so glad there's a flair for jealousy lol

I (M28) first suggested the idea of this to my partner (F28) and we went on feeld to sort of explore, and find someone else to join us in the bedroom whilst she pegs me. So, I had a couple of messages but my partner got literally hundreds of messages and likes. I shrugged it off, as its just the way it is. I read a reddit post somewhere that dating apps are always harder for men (not a complaint). Anyway, I digress. My partner matched with someone who we got on really well with, and he has a bit of experience in this scene as well as going to fetish clubs etc. She started chatting to him, and they got on really well. I then started chatting to him too and I also got on well with him. We had a group chat and spoke about cuckolding me, feminisation and that sort of stuff, kinks and fetishes I really wanted to try and explore.

We met up today for the first time and we all really hit it off. We had a good time, but, my partner and this guy went upstairs and had sex but I stayed downstairs and listened to them. Don't get me wrong, it was hot and amazing, but it left me feeling weird.

My partner has said I can find someone myself, but I want what they've got. I want connection, I want someone I can have a laugh with. I want the flirty banter. The only likes I get on Feeld are from fakes or straight guys thinking they can get an easy threesome through me. I'm on OkCupid as well but that's locked by another pay wall and no where near as good. I can guarantee if I go onto Tinder or Bumble, I won't get any likes. I'm not conventially attractive, I'm cute at best. I don't have enough self-confidence, even after a drink, to go up to someone in a bar or club and flirt either. I have a slight stammer so I'll probably fuck up.

I've been with my partner for 6 years. Before we got together, I was in a really dark place. I was depressed, I felt rejected, a hopeless romantic. I felt disgusting and unwanted. I was miserable. After tonight, those feelings which I thought I buried deep down resurfaced again. I feel ugly again. I feel horrible.

I have still got mental health issues, which I am dealing with through counselling. I really want to carry this on because I enjoyed it and as did my partner.

I don't know what I want to get from this post. Maybe some form of validation, or reassurance. Or maybe just some confirmation that it's alright to feel jealous. I don't have a lot of friends, but the ones I do are asleep (it's 3AM at the moment) as is my partner and I needed to tell someone about it. I will speak to my partner about it when they wake up.