My husband was talking about opening the marriage for a while but I was always very unsure. I had and I still have absolutely no desire or need to meet other people but I would not mind exploring with other people if my partner is there, I don't mind him having sex with other women, but I don't want him to date anyone.

He asked me when I was pregnant if I was finally ok with him sleeping with other girls I I told him that i thought I was ok but the conversation never evolved from then, honestly I don't think I was ready but i loved him so I was willing to at least try it... We had no other conversation about it, no boundaries, no rules, nothing and also it kinda hurt me that he was so insistent now that I was pregnant. Anyways three weeks later he told me that he finally did it and he had sex with a women while he was away for work just a couple of days after that conversation. I was devastated, my heart broke in so many peaces, I never felt so betrayed. I didn't care about the sex or the woman. He didn't communicate for me, he didn't check with me just in case I changed my mind. He decided to do that when I was most vulnerable and he blamed me because I told him it was ok... My fault was poor communication and the want to please him no matter what I felt but he knew me and he knew that I was always not sure about it and he previously did something similar by not telling me he had some apps downloaded because "until I have a date it's not real" He kept saying that he will resent him one day for not letting him free and that he loves me way more because of this, he thinks our love is so amazing that no other people will matter... But the problem it's not the people...I told him my fear was not him falling in love with someone else but instead was me stopping loving him. He kept insisting on wanting to see other people even though he saw how badly he had hurt me and this time he would ask me if I was ok with it and I would always say " I am not ok with it but I am willing to give it a try, but you know that my fear might become real" He went on dates several times (some very close to my delivery date, that was so disappointing for me) and a few after the newborn arrived. Then he stopped and he decided to not do this anymore because he finally saw that it was really hurting me and it was not worth it. At that point my love for him stated to diminish more and more, I couldn't stend him anymore. I was mad that he hurt me, disappointed and sad. One night he told me "I want you to love me again" he was devastated and that broke my heart. We did talk about it more and more and we are ok now after a year of trying to fix things. I am still so heartbroken. He keeps insisting that he is a good person and he didn't do anything wrong but I guess all I want it's him acknowledging that what he did was wrong and you know maybe he was scared about becoming a dad and he was stressed ecc therefore he didn't really think about what he was doing. I don't think he is a bad person but he made a poor choice.

Sorry for the long post, I have nobody to talk to, I would love opinions by people with open relationships