This is more of a vent than anything. It is long but I will put a TLDR just below this. This is a throwaway account and names are changed. Details are to the ages everyone was when this happened. Currently, I (27NB) and my partner Aaron (31M) are still together after this.

TLDR; I ghosted my best friend because she fell in love with me but I miss the friendship we had. I won’t reach out to her, because I don’t think she would even want to hear from me now, but I occasionally miss our friendship.

Every roughly six months, I get a little sad about a relationship that I ended rather abruptly and start thinking about how I could have handled it better or kept the friendship I had.

I (at the time, 24NB) had a friend (26F, Cath) who I met on a dating app. My partner (29M, Aaron, together 6 years) & I were in a polyamorous relationship. I started talking to Cath because I was interested in her. She told me that she couldn’t see herself in a relationship like mine but we continued as friends. I told her bluntly that I wouldn’t leave my partner to be with her. But I flirted, which is where I feel like I made a mistake however we had both agreed that she wasn’t polyamorous and therefore we would not work. She knew about Aaron right from the get go.

Cath had feelings for me & told me this quickly. I also had a crush on her however I reiterated that she was not interested in a polyamorous relationship. We had several conversations, ending in crying, but I struggle with these conversations being autistic (and I was not diagnosed at the time).

When I visited her, she was clearly attempting to date me but when I asked her to stop I was met with crying & emotional conversations I couldn’t handle. She would become emotional regularly & I felt like I was walking on eggshells constantly.

She would also become upset when I took too long to reply to her texts/calls. She text & called me repeatedly, even late at night. I was shocked by the way she spoke to me at times. I gave her the benefit of the doubt because she was hurting after a bad relationship.

Cath began expecting me to come to her house as often as possible & stay as long as possible. While there she didn’t like me texting others (especially Aaron) & got even more upset when Aaron called me. I had to talk to him in the bathroom a few times.

On one trip, Cath said she loved me but I left telling her I didn’t feel the same. When I went back me & Aaron nearly broke up. I needed someone to vent to & I told Cath he had done something that I was upset with because I specifically asked him not to do it. He had not upheld one of our boundaries in our polyamorous relationship. She invited me over for a week, I agreed. During this trip she kept bad mouthing Aaron aggressively. I ended up defending him. This probably drove me closer to him.

When I went back, me & Aaron decided to work things out. When I told Cath, she became belligerent.

The arguments and blocking and unblocking became weekly, if not daily, routine. On one occasion, she sent messages to the PS4 (which was Aaron’s), messaged Aaron on Facebook, got her mum to contact me, sent several emails & sent a few takeaways to my house (they were already paid but it really freaked me out). I eventually unblocked her & told her to stop. I did not give her further attention.

I intended to stay friends however I put in boundaries. I told her we would not be spending nights on the phone, I would not tolerate argumentative conversations & we are only friends. She then approaches me & tells me that she is ready to try a polyamorous relationship with me. I told her no.

She then got upset because she “thought there was still something there”. We got into another argument &, April 14th, I blocked her on everything & I haven’t unblocked her.

Since then, she has sent many messages over multiple platforms. On the 4th of July, she left a voicemail (unknown number) on my phone in which she is crying & she says I “ghosted” her.

I worried I was too harsh on her & I missed my best friend. Aaron told me that I wasn’t harsh and that I need to be careful because the behaviour was concerning. I did not continue contact but I get sad here now & then because our relationship was very close & we played a lot of games together. I have felt really alone at times without the friendship…