I got into a little comment debate on another reddit post and it brought up some difficult emotions and memories from past irl conversations.

Why do people have such strong opinions on ENM? I don’t get it. It doesn’t concern them. It feels like every time I bring this up with someone I have to defend myself as though I’ve just said something incredibly offensive and I need to justify that I’m not a terrible person. Why can’t they just see it along the same line as me liking apples and them liking oranges?

Why is non-monogamy in the early dating stages / whilst casual dating seen as ok but it cannot coexist with a long term relationship? Why can’t they just accept that people are wired differently? Is it because a lot of people see the appeal deep down but they use judgement to mask the difficult emotions exploring this would bring up for them? I’ve heard people say, you will never get hate about non monogamy from someone monogamous who is truly happy and content in their relationship. That happy people don’t judge. They just say “good for you” and move on. None of that “i could never do that” tirade. Like chill, I’m not trying to convince you to do the same as me. Met very few like this though.

Also that’s it not the same as cheating? I told someone I broke up with my last partner because I wanted to explore ENM and she didn’t, and they were like “well it’s good you didn’t cheat”. I get the sentiment but really? That was never an option. I wanted it to be a shared experience with consent. Feels like such an absurd response to me, it’s like me saying I saw this jacket at the clothes store I really wanted but it was too expensive and them saying, “well it’s good you didn’t steal it”.

I like being open and honest with people. But I’ve found myself not talking about this more and more. Even people who I’ve had great conversations and healthy differences of opinion with about other controversial things, tend to get dismissive and attacking and emotionally charged when it comes to non monogamy.

I get why people compare ENM to sexual orientation now. It’s not the same but the nature of the stigma around it is similar, with people judging things that does not concern them one bit. At least in the circles I run in, someone’s sexual orientation and gender are not just respected and accepted, they’re not really discussed deeply and probed into, which is great imo. The conversations around them feel natural. I hope one day talking about non monogamy feels the same.

I’m still early in my journey with exploring this and maybe it hurts more because these reactions are still new to me. But I don’t want to stop being open, because that’s not how you change opinions. I don’t want to just tolerate judgement, I want to challenge it. It’s tiring though. Just needed to vent.