Not looking for advice, just looking to vent after a stressful evening.

I have been the one pushing to involve others in our marriage’s sex life. We have attended a handful of sex parties and had one threesome with another man, but below-the belt action has still been reserved for the two of us. We have another party coming up this weekend, and during dinner last night I asked to have an open and honest conversation about our expectations. Since this is more of a swingers’ event, I asked if she might be comfortable involving another couple. To both of our credits, we discussed the topic rationally despite having very different feelings about the idea. But eventually she had to excuse herself from the table to spend time alone. Afterward, she said that even talking about the idea of me being sexual with another woman made her feel a deep sense of rage and betrayal.

I didn’t realize jealousy could be felt so viscerally. In fact, I think that lack of intensity is how I ultimately realized I wanted to be monogamish. We agreed years ago to work toward a goal of both of us occasionally having sex with others, but I’m now concerned that she was never truly able to agree to that goal.

We have another session with our couples’ therapist soon, but I just needed to get this off my chest without trying to “fix it.”