Hi I’m gonna try to keep this short. My partner and I opened up this month. Have done a lot of work over the years, read books together, written our boundaries… we have some painful stuff in the past that I’m still dealing with but have been very loving and present. We were open in the beginning, closed for a few years, and just re opened once I felt safe in our relationship. We had a shared experience a few weeks ago and I have had a solo night. The girl we had a shared experience with is more his partner and last night he spent time with her (with my ok).

Anyways I was totally fine while he was gone. It was the first time he went solo and I struggled a little when he left but overall we had good communication while he was gone and I just did my own thing. Honesty enjoyed the alone time.

But when he came home, all of the past insecurities came up. I became very emotional and was struggling touching him. We tried to have sex (mistake) and a lot of unresolved trauma came up for me. Worst sex we have maybe ever had. Couldn’t connect and that has NOT been the experience after all other experiences. Usually we connect way more. I missed him and he missed me. Was happy to come home to me. And I couldn’t receive it.

Is this normal for a first solo experience? Obviously trauma and my own mental health are something above reddits pay grade but outside of that, just struggling with first time experiences, how do you move forward? I’m hoping to hear from people who really struggled at first and came through the other side. Because right now I feel silly and stupid that I couldn’t just receive love when he came home. I don’t know how to move forward. I guess you just do.

Im not going to reach that excitement level some of you guys have for your partners when they have sex with others (I guess never say never) but I’m hoping for neutrality. And right now kissing him makes me uncomfortable.

Anyways words of wisdom or experience would be appreciated. He’s my favorite person and I want to adjust so this doesn’t happen again.