I posted this in the polyamory subreddit first and was redirected here - it was brought to my attention that my situation is more ENM, even though the others involved are calling it a throuple/polycule/poly. So basically, I was asked to create a “throuple” with my best friend who I have had a crush on for a long time, and started developing feelings for recently. Their partner I get along with well but don't have feelings for but am attracted to. We have already started exploring this physically and we all live together.

This is new to me, I have never been in any situation like this. What confuses me is that they have been together already 9 months and have love for eachother, whereas with me it seems more like I would just be the extra.

l asked my friend why they want me i.e. feelings, convenience, attraction, whatever- and they said that it's not so much feelings as just liking and being attracted to me, and having fun with it. They said not to fall in love and that this would eventually end and they don't want to lose me as a friend after that.

They are open to more people and want me to be able to bring someone to the table if I felt something for someone - they said that if I started liking someone else and wanted monogamy with them they would understand and the split would not be dramatic.

So what confuses me is can I actually date my best friend, but keep love out of it? What is this called if not poly, is it just non-monogamy? I understand you can date people without loving them. But this situation is a bit more involved- we all live together, there is a 3 year old that my friend parents with their partner, and we are basically going to be acting like life partners.

I'm worried that I will feel left out if they are in love but there is no hope for me. But I also do want this and don't necessarily want to be tied down to this either, so I am okay with the concept of being able to break it off without any turmoil if that time comes- I guess I just want to see how I feel with it. But I am nervous too.

And I also now don’t know if i love that they call it a poly and call me their gf if Im never going to really be that for them and it is temporary. But i am scared to overthink and overcomplicate it when thats just a label anyways- they have been honest about what it is and where it would be going… whatever we want to call it.

Does anyone have a similar experience that can provide advice or relate?