I (46) am dating the Wife(44) of a ENM marriage. We will to the Wife as Joan and the Husband as John.

I will give the short of how we got to where we r today and what we are dealing with. I met Joan randomly on the street after a show. It was very organic and we immediately felt our connection. Joan and I have been dating for 7 months now. In that time we have fallen deeply in love. Joan was honest with me about her ENM relationship from the start and we spent a month getting to know each other by phone before seeing each other for our first date. We have open and honest communication, about our feelings and relationship and her Husbands feelings and their relationship. They also have children 9 and 6.

So.... over a year ago Joan and John experienced some kind of break in their marriage. They went to counseling. John admitted to having Bisexual desires because he considered himself Bi sexual before he met Joan and then got married. He wanted to bring another man into their bedroom. Joan did not want to participate in any kind of group sex. But expressed support for her husband to go out and experience those desires. So he wanted to be able to have sex with men or woman, but no real relationship. Joan then admitted that she wanted to have another Loving, sexual, connected relationship, and with only one other person.

Six months go by and neither had acted on their desires. Then Joan meets me. Joan and I have an instant connection and have been going strong for the last 7 months. This is where the problems starts. John has had only one connection and it was with a female. Now in this time i have actually met John, I like him a lot and he is a wonderful man, and I had a really long and good interaction with him, and we discussed our relationship with Joan. But at one point John referred to me as "the Medicine" to make Joan and Johns marriage stronger. And at what point do we get off "the medicine". Meaning, when do we get back to monogamy and I go away. I also have done a lot of research and i feel Matt is really Monogam-ish, and his desires of hook ups with men are really just fantasies, and that he really just likes the idea but doesnt want to commit the actual act. mean while Joan and I have dealt with this roller coaster of his emotions.

Joan on the other hand has no desire to go back to monogamy and we regularly talk about our long term future. We also dont spend a ton of time together. We typically see each other a couple weekends a month and the occasional mid week date for the night. But we did go for a long ten day trip together and had a wonderful bonding and connecting time with each other. We absolutely love each other. Its as if we are soul mates.

What I want to know from this community is what is the likely hood of Joan and John working this out and staying married. I really care about both of them. Joan wants to keep her family unit intact. But how realistic is that if they both have such different wants and goals, and if he wants to go back to monogamy, and she doesn't?