Hello all - I am new to this sub and am seeking advice as I try to educate and evaluate how to feel and educate myself better since this is such a taboo topic in mainstream.

My boyfriend of 2.5 years has recently stated that he is scared of life long commitment and marriage because he doesn’t want to “mess up” and sleep with someone else. And I don’t think it’s a matter of “messing” up, he more of described it as randomly on a trip somewhere with the boys if temptation were to arise, he wants to be able to possibly act on it with boundaries and rules set up that we’ve already communicated because we’ve discussed the possibility of it happening. We had a lengthy conversation about this and I expressed how I’ve actually considered bringing up an open relationship in the future.

My ideal would be work through this, better understand wants and needs and expectations, engagement, marriage, honeymoon phase and after building that additional rock foundation on top of our strengths now, I would feel more secure in the possibility of opening our sexual relationship. I don’t think I’m ready just yet to open our relationship because this is all so new to me and I’m not sure what to think or feel or how to even begin to go about this.

It sucks because I love my partner and he loves me and I am open to the idea, but also wrestle with the selfish feelings of not wanting to share and not feeling good enough all of the sudden.

I also struggle with feeling like I’ll be upset if I’m home, pregnant with our second child, and caring for our first kid and he’s just off doing whatever with whoever. (Hypothetical)