40/M in the NYC area here. Have struggled in the NYC dating scene for many years. I've become much more open minded over the last 7-8 years or so with regards to kink and bdsm, but one thing I was never able to fully get behind was the idea of full fledged real deal ethical non-monogamous relationship. I know this may sound a bit naive, but I always felt like I could understand polyamory more than ENM as I could see how different types of people and personalities could bring a person that much more love and fulfilment in different areas of their lives, but with regards to ENM, at least for a straight woman, I always felt sex is mostly sex and a f-ck is mostly a f-ck. That is maybe unless their boyfriend or husband is somehow poor at sex, but in that case they probably shouldn't be dating him anyway.

So the story is I finally met a woman, who is around my age, and to put a long story short, she's amazing. We click so very well and there is a clear chemistry between us. However, she has made it known to me from the start that she is more aligned with non-monogamy with the main reason being that she's always been very sex positive and enjoys sex, etc. I told her I am open more than I've ever been and would like to continue dating and getting to know her. I'll admit I really am more open these days, but I am still struggling a bit internally. I guess my main fear is getting to know this woman for months, falling for her and then one day she tells me she's going out on a casual date and I just feel down about it, jealous or whatever it may be. Like I said above, it would be a feeling of why can't sex with me be good enough? Lord knows I'd be down for doing it everyday. (I do have a high sex drive myself). Now again, I'm very open and would like to get behind this type of relationship, mentally. After all I really like this woman and enjoy her company and can see something growing with her, but I also need to get a grip on my feelings.

Can those with tons of experience in the lifestyle make sense of things for me so that I can possibly understand better?