Im in a (reverse) OPP dynamic. I am a bi man, married to and madly in love with a woman. We have been together for 20 years, and for the past 5ish years we have had an open marriage.

When we opened up, I gave her absolute carte blanche to see anyone she felt like: men, women, NB, couples, groups, whatever. Over the years I have reiterated that a few times; sometimes jokingly encouraging her to get laid while I was out of town on biz travel, other times clarifying my comfort with sincerity. She has not, to my knowledge, ever seen an outside lover and seems to have no interest in doing so. That’s an informed choice on her part.

As for my me, when we opened, I said I wasn’t really interested in seeing women, I really only wanted to see other men. My wife has had no problem with me taking on side arrangements with other men over the intervening years.

I’ve occasionally had opportunities arise involving women. One time a couple approached me wherein a wife wanted to see me fuck her husband. My own wife wasn’t keen on it, so it went nowhere. Another time a woman I was quite close to sort of hinted at an interest, and even though I had already declined it, when I mentioned it to my wife after the fact, she said it would have been a bad idea. At the time, I thought she was saying so because we both knew my friend would have been a poor fit as a lover, and things would have soured quickly.

A few weeks ago, I reconnected via Feeld with a different woman we have known for years. She and I have been getting close, texting frequently. When I mentioned to my wife that I’d like to pursue this romantically, my wife was like: “do we really have to have this conversation again? I’m not comfortable with you seeing women.” The friend and I have hung out with each other in person since then; wife knows we are still super chatty, and friend knows of the newly-formal (I guess?) OPP. Wife and I have since made plans to hang out with the friend in a few weeks, so clearly my wife doesn’t mind me staying connected to our friend.

So here’s my ask: if you’ve moved from an OPP to a genuinely open and equitable dynamic, how did you, or how would you approach it? I’m acquainted with the arguments against OPP; I don’t need to be convinced that they are bad, but I’d love to hear thoughts on how to move past one.