Hi all. I’m open/poly/married.

I (34F) have a chance to fulfill a deep longing fantasy of group sex, possibly set up a male-group-sex scenario. I feel guilty for having this desire and I feel like it’s “slutty” though I know we’re all trying to ethical sluts.

Additionally, my husband is not involved in this scenario nor does he want to be. He’s not the happiest about it but I guess that’s also part of the shame of me desiring it and possibly fulfilling the fantasy.

Any folks out there who have to work through their shames around kink? Any experiences in such fantasies? Tips? Advice? Anecdote of how to handle your shame/autonomy and discomfort of a spouse around kink?