My partner (29M) and I (32F) have been together for 8yrs. We haven't always had the best intimacy relationship due to a number of reasons on my behalf (abused when younger, sex/being sexual never discussed, sexual pain - endometriosis to name a few) While my partner has always been very intimate and sexual. He has always been understanding and never pushed anything on me. Over the years we've tried a few different things to try and fulfill him as I haven't been able to meet his needs. The past month it has become a strain on our relationship and he has mentioned the option of CNM. This is where I need help!!

He says he loves me and wants to grow old with me and marry me (we're currently engaged) but I don't understand how he can say that when he wants to sext and fuck someone else. He has said time and time again it's just as if he is "filling his cup" as what we're currently doing isn't fulfilling him enough. This I can understand because we really don't do too much (my issues, not his) He doesn't want anything to change between us. He still wants us to be intimate and have that connection and do everything the same, he will just "top up" so he can be fulfilled. While I understand what he means, part of me feels as though "if I'm not enough, don't be with me." Whereas another part of me is "why do I want the man I love unfulfilled" While we have discussed this for the past 3-4weeks, in many layers and forms. It's still hard for me to wrap my head around. I guess I just want some insight to what other couples are doing or have done and how to cope with the feelings of inadequacy, betrayal and everything else that is coming with it. In our discussions we have spoken about rules and boundaries and all of that but it still hard not to lie awake at night thinking if he is thinking of someone else. I'm worried that he will get feelings for the other woman, that she will some how be better at everything than me. How am I meant to be intimate with him after he is with her not knowing if he is thinking of her or comparing me to her?

More background information: he works away in the mines 2weeks away, 2weeks home. This CNM would be with one woman only, and only while he is away at work. When he is at home he will have no/limited contact with her and is all about us and our family (2yr old plus bub on the way)

Please help me understand! I know he loves me and I love him, it's just so hard to understand and I guess be "convinced" everything will be OK.