My wife (32F) and I (34M) have been together since college and happen to be each other’s firsts for most things. For additional context: we have no kids, we’re monogamous, and we’re non-religious. We have a great relationship, and a big part of what makes us work so well together is how effective we are at communicating and sharing our feelings.

Recently, we’ve been doing some self-reflection on our lives—where we’ve been and where we want to go. During this conversation, my wife mentioned that she’s been thinking about some experiences in life that she hasn’t had but would like to explore. She seemed nervous and embarrassed, which surprised me. After comforting her and reassuring her that nothing she could say would change how I feel about her, she expanded on what she meant.

I won’t go into specifics, but essentially, she expressed interest in having a “hall pass” for one person in particular that we both know. She didn’t use those exact words, but the meaning was clear. In my mind, I’ve never considered the idea of either of us being with other people intimately. However, I made sure to let her know that her thoughts and feelings about this were totally normal and valid. I was also glad that she felt comfortable enough to share something like this with me, knowing it felt risky for her to even vocalize.

The discussion ended with us agreeing that we needed to do some homework together on the subject before making any decisions about this kind of arrangement—so, here I am. We’re planning to read some books I’ve seen recommended on this topic, but I’m also coming here in search of real-world experiences and advice.

From our conversation, it doesn’t seem like either of us wants to become fully non-monogamous; it feels more like she’s looking to check something off a list. Have any of you been in a similar situation? How did it turn out? What additional considerations should we take into account?