My wife (42F) and I (43M) have been married 17 years. Over the last several months, what started as discussing a fantasy about couple swapping or threesomes has evolved to deciding this is something we want to try together. As we do this, our goal is to keep the process fun & sexy, and not get into situations that could feel creepy/gross/unsafe.

My question is how couples get started meeting people who might be open to this. My wife is not open to using dating apps or going to sex clubs. Sex clubs seem gross to her, and she’s worried about creeps on the apps. Her thought is maybe someday we’ll meet a couple organically that we click with. She seems to have a lot of fears, and is looking to build really high trust with a couple before anything physical, which I can understand. Unfortunately we can’t get out much anymore due to having young kids. I don’t think this will work in reality, and we’re not getting any younger.

I’m looking for practical resources to make the search fun & safe that can help her (and me) get over our fears. Are there any resources about using apps safely? How exactly do people vet each other, build trust, screen for STIs, etc. Or what kinds of events should we look for to meet people?

We have zero experience with this.