My NP & I are ENM (still figuring out what kind). He is reconnecting with a past comet partner who is exceedingly toxic. To sum up 20 years of manipulation & abuse she has repeatedly claimed he raped her in the past and I cannot understand why anyone would want to reconnect with someone like that. He says "well she never mistreated me in bed".

I & his and my's adult children have made it clear we want nothing to do with her and will not be around her. I have told him I do not want them having sex in our shared bed. He is very upset by this as, of course it's also has bed, and he owns our home of 20 years). Also he has had other partners in the bed that haven't bothered me. Honestly I don't want her in the house at all and I don't want any "oops she's here, let's hang out". I don't want to be forced to interact with her. (She is also my ex.) I will not be "backdoored" into letting her back into my life.

But he was very upset by this. He did agree to respect this boundary, but I'm second guessing myself. I don't know how to handle him reconnecting with a toxic meta. I don't understand why he would want to at all and have brought this up. He answered that "she never mistreated me in bed" and "my boundaries are stronger now".

So now I'm battling confusion and doubt. Just looking for support.