My partner hooks up with people on grindr and other apps (but mostly serving gay men) maybe like a couple times a month. I feel generally neutral at best, a little bad at worst. (usually my stomach sinks and I feel bad about it for a day or a couple hours and then move on). It seems worth it to me because I like being about to hook up with people as well and I want them to have autonomy and explore. Not telling me made me feel worse and assume they were always banging someone every time they didn’t answer for a couple hours.

When they have sex with someone on their own that we have previously had a threesome with together, I actually find myself feeling turned on or happy for them. I have mostly rarely felt a lot of compersion besides this.

I prefer to find a couple people I like to hook up with and keep seeing them casually so I don’t have to do the work of sifting through apps. I also am non binary and masculine presenting afab but don’t seem to have as much luck finding spontaneous hookups on gay male sites than my partner who is further in their transition. They get more jealous of me seeing the same person over again than a one time hookup. So we both are more jealous about the kind of hookup our partner has more often. They said they would like to find someone to have more ongoing hookups with too, but it hasn’t happened yet.

I guess I’m wondering if anyone else feels more jealous when their partner has one time anonymous hookups than ongoing hookups? It seems counterintuitive to me because anonymous sex is less likely to threaten our relationship. I think it’s more about the fomo to me. I feel like I would like be able to find a random person to come fuck me at any hour but have a harder time finding people to do that. It can be kinda annoying to have to schedule out sex for me. Sometimes it comes to the time and I’m less into it.

I’m also looking for any advice about how we could work through this. Like it’s ok the way it is, I can handle feeling jealousy every once and while, but looking for any suggestions. Should we just try to have more threesomes? I get way less jealous when I’ve also slept with the person my partner is hooking up with. Any tips on working through fomo feelings? Sorry this is long winded.