After some time apart, my ex and I reconnected. Our break up wasn’t messy or dramatic, just a matter of being on different frequencies, but it’s been nice to chat. We both love each other deeply, and we don’t want to completely let go of the connection.

We both have been discussing the possibility of restructuring our relationship moving forward. Due to some life transitions on both sides, I probably won’t be seeing them or hearing from them as often as I did before our breakup.

I’m trying to figure out if I will be happy with that, and how I can manage my feelings. We’re still slowly texting and haven’t hung out in person yet. We’ve discussed our new boundaries and expectations extensively, and we seem to be on the same page — but I am still trying to check myself and make sure this can work for me. Our relationship was wonderful overall, but over time, it got a little messy due to unspoken expectations and schedule changes, which caused a bit of a rift. Ex felt like they couldn’t give me the energy they wanted to, but they admitted they still love me and want to make this work for both of us.

I don’t want to discount my own needs and feelings, but I want to enjoy what my ex can give me. We haven’t met in person yet since our split, and we’ve been slowly texting, which has been both friendly and flirty. I feel very comfortable and hopeful, but at the same time, that emotional attachment doesn’t feel the same. I know it’s going to be different moving forward. I do feel like I’ve got other things in life to occupy myself so I’m not too wrapped up in this (NP, work, friends, school), so I’m just trying to regulate myself and put energy where it matters and let things happen naturally.

We both desire something more than casual but less than a labeled relationship, but I’m having some mixed feelings and wondering if I can truly handle that.

Is it better to just walk away and just be friends? Should I give restructuring a shot if I feel optimistic? Can two people truly de-escalate and come back together in a way that works for both parties? How do you define something that’s not quite casual but not quite a relationship?