Hey everyone,
37M here from Melbourne, Australia. Iāve been with my partner for almost 10 years, and I wanted to share some backstory for context.
We originally met on a sugar dating site (Seeking) back in 2015 and hit it off since we were in similar stages of life and dating. However, I have to admit Iāve been unfaithful for most of our relationship. Deep down, I think she knew, but either didnāt have concrete proof or chose to ignore it.
In 2019-20, we experimented with swinging, but she never seemed fully interested, and our experiences were underwhelming. I brought up the idea of ENM (ethically non-monogamous) relationships, but she rejected it. I continued my behavior until earlier this year when I got caught red-handed, which, in a way, I had been expecting.
After some tough but constructive conversations, things surprisingly went well, and she agreed to an open relationship with reasonable conditions. At first, she wasnāt interested in exploring on her own, but that changed after a few weeks. She joined Feeld, and, as expected, got loads of attentionāthousands of likes on her profile. She eventually connected with one guy, and after a few dates, things progressed between them.
I was fine with all of this, but now Iām experiencing some unexpected feelings.
I have a FWB relationship with a woman I met on Seeking, but lately, sheās been MIA, and Iām not getting the attention Iād like. Meanwhile, my partner is getting a lot of attention from this guyāthey text regularly, sheās been open about their sexual experiences, and it sometimes feels like sheās āflexingā on me. She even joked, āDonāt get jealous now.ā
I donāt think itās jealousy, as Iām okay with her having sex with him. The real issue is that finding other women is so much harder for me. She has 2700 likes on Feeld, while I barely have 20, and itās honestly a bit depressing.
Most of my past sexual experiences have been transactional (sugar babies or escorts), and now Iām worried that sheāll get all the attention and Iāll be left with nothing.
Is what Iām feeling jealousy? Envy? Or just growing pains as we adjust to this new dynamic?
Iāve always known that in most open relationships, the woman gets the majority of the attention, while the man struggles. Iām not sure how to change this dynamic. Iāve found online dating to be exhausting because most women want commitment, which I canāt offer. I also donāt want to rely on paid encounters anymoreāitās not fulfilling.
I wouldnāt say Iām unattractive, and Iāve even considered going to in-person singles events, but I feel dishonest since Iām not technically single.
Any advice on how to handle these feelings or attract more attention would be appreciated.
Thanks in advance.
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