Hey everyone,

37M here from Melbourne, Australia. I’ve been with my partner for almost 10 years, and I wanted to share some backstory for context.

We originally met on a sugar dating site (Seeking) back in 2015 and hit it off since we were in similar stages of life and dating. However, I have to admit I’ve been unfaithful for most of our relationship. Deep down, I think she knew, but either didn’t have concrete proof or chose to ignore it.

In 2019-20, we experimented with swinging, but she never seemed fully interested, and our experiences were underwhelming. I brought up the idea of ENM (ethically non-monogamous) relationships, but she rejected it. I continued my behavior until earlier this year when I got caught red-handed, which, in a way, I had been expecting.

After some tough but constructive conversations, things surprisingly went well, and she agreed to an open relationship with reasonable conditions. At first, she wasn’t interested in exploring on her own, but that changed after a few weeks. She joined Feeld, and, as expected, got loads of attention—thousands of likes on her profile. She eventually connected with one guy, and after a few dates, things progressed between them.

I was fine with all of this, but now I’m experiencing some unexpected feelings.

I have a FWB relationship with a woman I met on Seeking, but lately, she’s been MIA, and I’m not getting the attention I’d like. Meanwhile, my partner is getting a lot of attention from this guy—they text regularly, she’s been open about their sexual experiences, and it sometimes feels like she’s “flexing” on me. She even joked, “Don’t get jealous now.”

I don’t think it’s jealousy, as I’m okay with her having sex with him. The real issue is that finding other women is so much harder for me. She has 2700 likes on Feeld, while I barely have 20, and it’s honestly a bit depressing.

Most of my past sexual experiences have been transactional (sugar babies or escorts), and now I’m worried that she’ll get all the attention and I’ll be left with nothing.

Is what I’m feeling jealousy? Envy? Or just growing pains as we adjust to this new dynamic?

I’ve always known that in most open relationships, the woman gets the majority of the attention, while the man struggles. I’m not sure how to change this dynamic. I’ve found online dating to be exhausting because most women want commitment, which I can’t offer. I also don’t want to rely on paid encounters anymore—it’s not fulfilling.

I wouldn’t say I’m unattractive, and I’ve even considered going to in-person singles events, but I feel dishonest since I’m not technically single.

Any advice on how to handle these feelings or attract more attention would be appreciated.

Thanks in advance.