My parter (26m) and me (23f) have been friends for 7 years. And he has pursued me for the majority of that time. I didn’t ever say yes to being with him until December 2023 because I felt he didn’t actually want a relationship in the way I needed.

My main question is if you as a polyamorous person believe that you could be happy in a monogamous relationship? If you want to skip my long explanation :) thank so much

Some info. My partner and i started dating in December, he had told this guy who was trying to pursue me that we were non monogamous. At that time our boundaries were pretty blurred. In the past we had sexual relationships with us and other people and so I thought basically he was insinuating that he wanted a threesome. I unfortunately was struggling with addiction during this time and not in my clear state of mind. Not an excuse but some information. I have foggy memories of that night but I do know that though my partner did partake in the threesome he wasn’t really into it. The next day he went off on me about how he had to even it out and hurt me too. I broke down and begged him not to. He promised he wouldn’t. Soon after I went to treatment in January. In February I left early so I could be there for his birthday. I found out he was cheating on me. It absolutely killed me and he basically told me he was evening the score. I’ve struggled with that his intention was to hurt me and I was genuinely just trying to play into what I thought was his fantasy.

In March I started messaging a guy I had been with in the past. I was completely wrong to do so I guess I just didn’t feel strong enough to leave and hoped he’d do it for me. My messages weren’t anything like his but they were flirty and I wouldn’t have been okay with it. He didn’t leave I didn’t leave.

At the end of April he cheated on me again. He told some girl we had an open relationship. Lied and said we were trying to get pregnant and basically used that as away to continue the conversation. He received photos from her etc. I found out and was devastated. He said he was making sure things were even and needed to do that so I’d be angry enough to confirm some of his fears. In May I found out I was pregnant.

He really wanted me to keep the baby and is against abortion. I decided we’d keep it. He’s been trying really hard to be a good partner and 99% of the time he is the man I’d dream of. He’s grown a lot and has changed a lot in a short period of time.

I had brought up being poly or allowing him to do what he wants since March. He turned it down saying I was trying to ruin our relationship, and maybe I was. But somewhere deep I just don’t want him to be unfulfilled with just me.

He has always told me I’m the best he’s ever had, he’d tell friends when we were just friends. But I also worry about not being exciting to him. I worry he will never truly just want to be with me. The other day we were fighting because he told me “he cares so much about me that he tries everyday not to cheat on me” which hurt me cause it’s not something I have to try not to do.

I brought up that that hurt me and I don’t know if it something I want in a partner and he got mad and said well figure it out.

I brought it up and he basically said that he’s given up a lot which is normal in relationships but he is naturally polyamorous and what did I expect when I got in a relationship with him. To be fair I’ve never seen him in a poly relationship. And so I didn’t really know that was what he wanted until we were monogamous and he brought it up more as a reasoning for his behaviour. He told me he hasn’t thought about cheating on me since July which hurt because no matter what I never actually wanted to cheat I just needed him to leave me because I love him to much and I couldn’t.

I just don’t know what to do. I’m 21 weeks pregnant. I want him and I to be able to be good parents for our child but I don’t want to live in constant fear of not being enough. Everyday it’s on my mind. It’s all I think about. And so my question is, do you think for the right person you could be monogamous?

He says he’s never loved anyone more than he loves me. And he’d give up anything for me. But I don’t think if I wanted a relationship long term I could give up monogamy for them because it’s just not right for me. And so I don’t understand how he’d be able to do the same.