Need help with this situation. Cross posted to some poly friendly forums.

Me 37f: In a long term poly marriage. Him: 47, widower.

This man is a former coworker. I had a crush on him and was sure it was mutual, but he was married and a coworker so mucho OFF LIMITS. I moved cities for a different office and only saw him at annual conferences from then on.

His wife died in a horrible way a few years ago and we kept in touch.

He recently quit his job and we canceled plans to hang out since he would no longer be coming to my city for the conference.

I visited his city for a wedding last week and suggested hanging out. It totally felt like a date. He pulls chairs out for me, we were laughing, flirting lightly. He asked if I was still with my guy, since he knew we had split up for a while, and I told him we had gotten back together. He didn’t ask any questions but the vibe stayed flirty. At one point, he took my hand and placed it on his chest for a smooth reason.

We both had an absolute blast and nothing happened. I had gone in deliberately telling myself not to do anything since I had no idea about his mental state and I kept to my promise.

My question: I am considering inviting him to my city for a concert. I am considering just straight out telling him I’m in a nonmonogamous relationship but not “out” at work and… I don’t fucking know if this is a good idea. He is still grieving hard and admits he’s still messed up by her violent death.

To repeat, he is no longer working at my place of employment.

He’s got the hots for me, obviously is not in a place for a traditional relationship, but I don’t want to mess him up you know?

I am paralyzed and don’t know whether I should just leave him alone or say screw it, be honest, and invite him. I’d be open to a comet situation or something where we travel to each other every couple months or so.

I would also be totally happy if he just wanted a few hook ups before going back to monogamous dating when he felt he was ready.

Help!