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The other night I (26 f) found out that my partner (30 m) had sex with someone a few months ago when we first became open. I had been under the impression that neither of us had done anything physical with anyone. I had an incredibly emotional reaction and felt so hurt. My mind immediately went to all these questions and wanting to know everything. I'm still feeling so sad about it, and almost feel like I'm grieving. I also feel hypocritical for having such a bad reaction to something I wanted in the first place. I'm wondering if being open is something I'm still comfortable with.
Did anyone else feel really sad when you first found out about your partner sleeping with someone else?
So all you're describing is internal issues (and not issues with him or the 2 of yours relationship) & all things you can work through. It's up to you if you have the desire to do so.
I would recommend putting yourself out there & have the outlook that you'll either click with someone, get to eat somewhere you've been wanting to eat even if chemistry is there & if bad there's a great story there, rather than quit before exploring.
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- 4 months ago
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Agree. I mean after she work through it some, processing it, she should talk to partner about boundaries & she could admit to him that while he did nothing wrong, you are having some trouble processing it. But I don't think closing a relationship the moment after someone sleeps with someone is the correct move- I think it would fuel resentment in his side & maybe even her side (he slept around but I didn't) & it's healthy to try to work through difficult things & give it more time. It may or may not be for OP long term, but time is needed.
Also it's been months and you haven't gotten physical with anyone else yet? Why is that? You haven't felt any connection or had any good dates yet? Is that where insecurity is coming from? OP has to figure out what is going on with herself here, as none of us or her partner can answer this.