looking for advice. was i unreasonable or too clingy here? i’ve been second guessing and feeling awful about myself one moment, then flip flopping and feeling like i’m in the right. either way i’m left sad and bummed.

some background: my husband and i have an open marriage, we practice ENM and are very clear and transparent with each other. i’ve really found this sub useful since we opened in learning about other people’s situations and finally i come needing advice myself.

i posted on reddit in april looking for a secondary relationship. i connected with a few people but only kept talking to one and we moved to discord. he would message me almost every day, sometimes double or triple messaging me when i wasn’t online, wanting to call me, sent me voice memos, etc. we really connected and we planned to meet in june but i ended up injuring myself and unable to drive long distances comfortably which would be needed if we wanted to meet.

we kept talking daily-ish, talking about our respective situations, why he was fine dating a married woman like me, shared info on our families and kids, etc. and of course sex stuff. i really felt like i connected with him and was excited - everyone else i had met since opening my marriage just treated me like a kink dispenser and a hook up.

we met up and it was great. we talked for hours, went back to a hotel he booked which was so nice. talked more, then had sex which i really enjoyed and very much seemed like he did too. got dinner, talked a ton more, discussed meeting up again, and then i went home.

admittedly i get NRE but we had already been texting daily so i figured nothing would change. but his response time drastically got lower until entire lengths of time would pass, like a week , and each time he came back and explained. but then he disappeared for 2 weeks and didn’t reply to any of my messages. finally i send one basically asking him to tell me what’s going on, so i know how to move forward. of note, he had me promise prior to meeting that i would tell him if something caused me to want to stop meeting, and to not ghost him. so i was so conflicted wondering why he would then kinda ghost me :(

he finally got back to me with awful news about his family and i felt so bad. obviously if i knew all the facts i wouldn’t have asked for reassurance. i like to believe i’m super reasonable - you can tell me you’ll be away for a long length of time and i wouldn’t mind. i was just so thrown by the drastic difference in frequency of talking.

as it stands he hasn’t replied to my last text from thursday. i’m just so confused and bummed and looking for advice really. normally i can quickly move on from hookups that fizzle out but i went into this for a secondary relationship, really felt it was becoming that, and now i don’t know what to do with all these emotions and feelings. do i just stop texting him and hope he eventually replies? do i offer him support for the family things he’s going through? do i sadly chalk it up to just a long 4 month con to only hook up and then ghost me?